Thesis: Many of you ladies out there may not like to admit it, but have probably found yourself at one time or another asking the question, “What am I doing wrong” or possibly “Why doesn’t he like me”… If this is the case you have found yourself in, I ask you to have a look at this list and maybe we can be of some assistance. While all of these rules might not directly point at you, and there is no guarantee that this can help you snag that guy of your dreams, it at least can allow many guys out there to tolerate you just a little bit more.
We have compiled thoughts from many guys both near and far. With years of experience and lots of time being put into this list. While every guy does not agree with everything on this list, and every girl disagrees with everything on this list, this is simply to offer tips and suggestions about what that “confusing male” in your life is looking for.
Please enjoy reading this and for once try not to take it to heart. Do not make any comments until the very end if at all possible and if you have any questions just feel free to ask just about any guy you encounter and they should be of assistance.
Now get out there, get reading, and get better!
101 Things Girls Need To Know
2008 Revised and Improved
1. If you want a good guy, then be a good girl
2. Pig-Tails are still sexy
3. Do not cry over stupid stuff. Think about starving children and think if it's worth it
4.If we make a joke about you just take it and move on
5. Natural country/southern girls are Hot… do not try to make yourself into one though
6. Be Smart. Guys don’t dig ditzy for very long
7. Don’t Run.
8. Dumb and Dumber and Superbad are movies you need to appreciate
9. Don’t be stronger than me
10. Don’t talk about hot actors and other hot guys in front of us, you are only trying to make us jealous and/or are making us jealous
11. Don’t try to like, talk to us about, or play sports that you suck at
12. Meat is good, I hope you like eating steak, chicken, polish sausages, etc Although I will begin to worry if this is all you eat…
13. You do not have to sing along with every song in your car, let others enjoy it too
14. Most girls can dance but that does not mean you need to critique my dancing
15. When people say, “Just be Yourself” that does not always apply to you
16. Big Cars and Women do not mix
17. Make some money on your own, do not get a degree in being a wife
18. Women Drivers = No Survivors
19. Do not talk so loud so you hope that everyone can hear your sweet stories from the weekend
20. Take how cool you think you are and divide it by 4
21. Take how cool you think you are when you are drunk and divide it by 8
22. Learn to cook, and then take advantage of your newfound talent
23. Chewing/Smacking Gum all the time gets real annoying
24. Guys appreciate a good smile, but a maintained laugh
25. Your breath should smell like Crest Cinnamon Toothpaste
26. A small amount of girls look good in baseball hats, none of them look good in stylish short-billed hats
27. Shorter hair than me… do I need to continue
28. Give me space at sporting events I am watching or playing in
29. Cheerleading shorts make me happy, Cheerleading cheers make me sad
30. Don’t speak unless you are sure you know what you are talking about
31. The only important period is the one in this sentence.
32. Girls arguments usually prove to be worthless, so do not stay mad
33. Everyday is not casual day
34. You do not all have to wear skirts or dresses or leggings on the same day
35. Do not kill yourself at the tanning bed, get out there and mow the grass
36. Chipper or bitten nails can’t scratch my back
37. Keep those feet in ship shape span and looking clean
38. Buy Me Presents
39. Don’t be gullible; just don’t say what you are probably thinking
40. Make sure my parents think you are great
41. Capri Pants… hahaha
42. If you drink, try to be a lady
43. Don’t cry and complain about how ugly you think you are, its probably not that bad
44. Don’t be cocky if you are hot
45. You do not have to tell your friends you love them every time you say goodbye
46. Smart, Nice Body, Great Personality, Pretty Face is like finding a four-leaf clover, it just doesn’t happen
47. Try really hard… to not try so hard. Be easy going
48. Never use a guy for his money
49. Only girls think other girls are funny, sorry but guys never do
50. Be careful when wearing Camo. It can go either way
51. If you’re Hot, and your moms Hot, we will be at your house A LOT
52. Do not ever use Internet talk in regular conversation Ex: “You’re my BFF”
53. Don’t go to the pool if you don’t plan on actually swimming
54. Leave something to the imagination
55. Do not tell us how long you have had your rainbow sandals.
56. They are called Uggs because they are ugly… I understand they are comfortable but so are coon skin caps, and you don’t see me wearing one of those do you
57. Don’t talk so loud on your cell phone in public places
58. Carharts are made for guys only for a reason
59. What happens in your bathroom must stay in your bathroom
60. Never ever pad the grease off your pizza; you’re padding your coolness away
61. What we are wearing is never “cute”
62. You can tell us what to do, or how to do it, but never both
63. You can take your belly button piercing out now; it was hot though at SB ‘04
64. You need to get permission to call us by our nickname
65. God gave you two ears and one mouth for a reason
66. Girls spitting is just awkward
67. Burping is fine as long as you can back it up
68. You should not ask a guy how to be sexy; you are responsible for learning that
69.You look dumb when you hold your beer up in pictures so people will know your drinking (mostly underage girls)
70. The bigger the sunglasses, the more ridiculous you probably look
71. It’s annoying when girls have “beach weekends” or getaways and think it is a chance for them to be so “wild and crazy” and come home and laugh about for the next year
72. Your mix CD’s suck
73. Do not try to act gangster while listening to rap music with silly hand gestures driving around in your car
74. Your lower back tattoo is not a bull’s-eye it’s more like a sign of unoriginality
75. If your boyfriend is a loser and mean, suck it up and dump him and don’t give me that “we have a history” crap. I will help you get over him
76. Girls that have to pull every table in a restaurant together so we can make sure to sit as a whole group even though you only talk to the three people around you
77. Who are you kissing in the picture? Stop with the dang kiss face
78. Popped Collar on a guy is ridiculous, so just imagine how dumb it must look on a girl
79. Personalized License Plates are about as cool as Henna Tattoos… yea not cool
80. Don’t cheat on us. We have feelings too.
81.When girls wear non-collegiate sports gear they look trashy. A girl in a raiders jersey is screaming slut
82. For once please say that you like your haircut!
83.You are not cute when you try to act dumb and you really surprisingly know what you are talking about
84.Volleyball shorts is unfair dress attire around boys- -its like eye poison.
85. Paying 4 dollars or more for a coffee drink just so you can say you drink coffee or want to be seen with a Starbucks cup is money that could have bought you an entire combo meal or me a present.
86.Is the Hawaiian lei hanging from your rear view mirror some kind of club that I don’t know about? Well your club sucks.
87. Just because you played a sport in High School does not make you an athlete
88. A girl who smokes is about as cool as a guy who wear AXE
89.You’re not a movie star, so there is no reason to dye your hair so much
90. There is a reason that all the low-maintenance girls have boyfriends
91. Both hands in the air, and swaying head side to side is not an official dance. Stop! You look like an idiot.
92. Find that perfect balance between being able to form your own opinion and just being down right over opinionated.
93. Have a hobby… pick up an instrument, paint a picture, find something besides calling me 10 times a day
94. If you like us, just tell us, if we wanted to play games we would just go to Chuckie Cheese
95.It is not necessary to bring your own “arts and craft” made coozie out with you in public, keep that too yourself
96. Excessive late night eating is both offensive to me and too your body. (Ranch was meant to be used for a condiment, not a main course)
97. Do not stand sideways with one knee bent- I don’t care if you think you look skinnier, because you definitely look dumber. Front and Center ladies
98. Huge Purses look ridiculous. Also do not bring a purse or silly flowered Vera Bradley “mom bag” to class, use a back pack like normal people.
99. You should NOT own a matching top and bottom valor warm-up suit, nor huge hoop earrings unless you have at least one parent with African American roots.
100. Don’t say how ugly you think you look in every picture you take
101. Do not try to be cool and critique this list or make one of your own.
30 comments:
If you want girls to listen to your advice, you probably shouldn't insult their intelligence every three "rules". Just sayin'
7. Don't Run
really? wow.
18. Women Drivers = No survivors
I've been driving stick since I was 14. My dad tried to get me to drag race. Guarantee I'm a better driver than you.
32. Girls arguments usually prove to be worthless.
I'm going to guess right now that you're single.
49. Only girls think other girls are funny, sorry but guys never do.
wow I guess all my guy friends are lying when they laugh at my jokes huh?
67. Burping is fine as long as you can back it up
how does one "back up" a burp?
72. Your mix CDs suck
wonder why my boyfriend asks me to bring them in his car to listen to then?
81.When girls wear non-collegiate sports gear they look trashy. A girl in a raiders jersey is screaming slut
Sorry but no. I am a huge Cowboys and Yankees fan and last time I checked, I'm not a slut.
87. Just because you played a sport in high school does not make you an athlete
So sports only count if I'm out of high school? Or do only "professional" sports count, because I'm guessing you're no pro and probably call yourself an athlete.
101. Do not try to be cool and critique this list or make one of your own
oh haaaha. how clever.
you clearly need some adjustments in how you view women. the reason you find dumb bitches is because you expect all that shit. any girl who listens to this has no self respect. you can't make "rules" for women to follow, you have no authority. if I was a girl interested in you I would literally laugh in your face over this, its absolutely absurd.
good luck being a virgin the rest of your life.
Here's a better idea, gals... avoid guys who think we need rules.
Thanx for the 411....
I laughed haha, i don't agree with half of it, but pretty funny to read through ha.
I love the "the only period that matters is the one at the end of this sentence." rule. Why don't you bleed out of your dick 4 days a month and see how you feel about that? And let's not forget about the cramps. So why don't I punch you in the gut repeatedly and then stab your cock and take it from there.
Chill out bro, posting your personal list of things you find annoying about your ex's doesn't apply to all guys in the slightest, although you had some truth in that list.
Congratulations.
When your girlfriend comes to you and says "I'm pregnant", then come and tell me it's not important.
Thanks for the rules! I can use this the next time I meet a guy — the more of these he agrees with, the faster I can dump his ass.
Because this is the internet, I'm going to assume this is some kind of painstakingly crafted feminist troll bait.
So I'll indulge you: You're a sexist dumbshit and the real reason you can't date smart, beautiful women with good personalities is because they have better options than you.
As for the opinion that all guys secretly buy into this shit, well, I'm with Vanessa McCockstabber. Maybe it'll put a dent in the douche population.
There, feminist rage vented. Next battle: I'll go try to convince 4chan users that they're wrong.
What's sad is that sexist jerkwads like you tend to be the face of your gender, and bring down all gender-equality movements on a societal level. The insinuations that a girl's attire were indicative of her worthiness were especially icky -- that is exactly the mentality behind victim-blaming. Not too surprising you would say that, though, given teh rest of the list. Psychological studies are proving that sexist men (such as yourself) dehumanize women they perceive as sexy -- they actually see them as less than human, like animals or objects.
I bet your mom is so proud of you.
Dude, the first part was funny. Then you just started to seem really insecure.
By the end of it it was just kinda sexist and bitchy.
Haha. "Don't try to be cool and criticize this list"? Yes, because you know it's the most sexist thing ever written. If you're making this list, you don't have a girlfriend. I'm pretty sure it's obvious why. Pig.
By the way, not everyone likes "Crest Cinnamon Toothpaste", but you can try brushing your teeth once in a while so you can smell it. :]
Oh hot damn! I criticized you and your list. Guess I'm not girlfriend material for you! Oh, wait I forgot for a second. I'm engaged. Mm, oh well!
so this just makes me think you're a douche and like to run everything a girl does. good thing i'm not a woman, or you might get mad now that i'm critiquing your article.
I thought it was pretty funny whether it is or isnt true.
can you say stereotype ? well. Your past dealings with females sure scarred you. What everything comes down to: Clearly,you have been overly exposed to UNINTELLIGENT dames.
As a guy, this is a pretty chauvanistic list of, what I imagine, things you've decided not to like about women because of your bad experience. Honestly, life sucks. Find the girl that makes you happy and the "rules" on this list go out the window.
Or, in less nice terms, get over yourself.
DAMN SOMEONE'S BURNT!! BWHAHAHAHA!! Sucks for you dude.
You're an idiot. Just saying. I understand if you wish your girls could all be perfect, but we're just as imperfect as you are. If you want a real relationship with a real woman and not a blow up doll, you have some ego deflating to do.
i'm not going to go through and correct the most insulting of these but i don't think you have a right to claim that you have
'feelings too' in a list this striotypical. Women are dumb bitches and men are warrior carnivores, remember?
The comforting idea is that, with these ideas you will stay your whole life single, either because you never found the "perfect-girl-who-follow-my-smart-101-rules", or because the girl you will be in love with will be smart enough to get that you're one of these stupid guys who just cannot respect women !
I wish you a happy lonely life
Honestly,
you represent the type of male I warn my daughter about. I'm glad to see that the majority of the other men who have posted here find your content offensive.
The girls who disagree with the list bring me more humor than the list did. Shut up, and get in the kitchen.
As author of this blog I appreciate the feedback. The girl who broke down each one individually was hilarious. The only one I cant agree with is that girls are funny. You know your guy friends don't really conisder you funny.
Please read the thesis.
I am not suffering from a break up, or sitting in my moms basement. Just having some fun back in High School.
You guys are the ones reading a blog written by someone you don't even know. Why do you really care....
So I read your list and have tried to find a woman with these things, and after a few months I had found her... after three years of dating, we are now engaged and couldn't be happier that we're together! She enjoys the list and finds it humerous and clever, not sexist, just humorous...
I actually enjoy writing reviews for the Washington Post and was wondering If I could get your contact information Mr. Phil Hill. I think many people could benefit from this article and would love to publish it if you'd be comfortable with that. Let me know please!
I love reading these comments... Yes Sarah- dont run. You can go running to stay in shape but for the sake of everything akward, don't sprint.
Jessica, see heres the thing, he doesn't want a girl that takes this so seriously, just sayin'
Vanessa a little vulgar.... I don't think those are equal comparisons but note taken. But pretty sure your punch wouldn't be too bad.
jroakley83... I feel ya brother
Nick or should I say nicole
audrey- lots of contradiction in your statement.
brian- bro
Laura- you are kinda freaking me out.
Mark D- I bet all the girls in this blog want you.
Majnun- told ya Mark D
Ladies, and guys who want to look nice to the ladies, this is just a list that was made back in highschool. It's meant for humor. Its not like we all check it off when trying to find a girl. Ok so you have a bad mix cd or like to occasionally do the kissy face, thats fine just don't make multiple mistakes in the day. I agree that it is sexist if every rule is taken to heart, but the fact that you are taking these rules completely serious is mnore sexist then ever. Every week in one of those magazines is some article "omg, dos and don'ts for men" but guys don't say anything cause they don't care. We understand it is entertainment. You not being able to take this for what it is and just laugh, is sexist.
Was this list supposed to be a joke this is the stupidest thing I have ever read in my life and hoop earrings are cute I don't know what the hell is wrong with you people like you are so freaking stupid btw you'll never find a girlfriend if you live by these rules
This is actually quite funny tbh no point in getting butt hurt about it like chill ima girl and I don't agree I'm sure I'll live 😂😂
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